Many of us, at one time or another, have asked ourselves that one pivotal question; "What is my purpose?" A sense of purpose gives meaning to our lives, it defines who we are and what our legacy will be. What impact will we, as individuals, have on the world? Is the purpose of our quest to define our individual purpose, really just a way for us to define our connection to life and the world?
purpose
noun pur·pose \ˈpər-pəs\
: the reason why something is done or used : the aim or intention of something
: the feeling of being determined to do or achieve something
: the aim or goal of a person : what a person is trying to do, become, etc.
According to Merriam Webster
What does purpose really mean? How does a defined purpose dictate interactions? What defines who you are?
- Wife
- Mother
- Career
- Philanthropist
- Wealthy
- Family
- Thoughtful
- Caring
The list is nearly infinite. Purpose can be quantified in adjective, noun or verb- attribute, title or function. Trying to validate purpose can perpetuate. Defining individual purpose can alter the entire way we view the world and our connection to it. Happiness and purpose mirror one another.
There is no road map to navigate through this process. It somehow seems to evolve over the course of life.
What happens if and when you lose your purpose?
Purpose provides a sense of meaning. It validates the ShouldBe. Having a sense of purpose feeds the ego and creates positive self-esteem. Purpose establishes and measures happiness. It allows for a sense of community. It creates an environment where we feel a part of something, connected.
It's taken me more than eight months to write this post. In that time, I've allowed all of these questions to swarm through my mind like bees in the hive; rolling incessantly over one-another. I lost my purpose. I felt as though I lost myself and I certainly felt connected to nothing, meaningless. Finding myself yet again at another crossroad in my life, I vetted through all of these questions. I tried to find a road map within the ambiguity of it all, stumbling along while trying to regain my footing. It took more than eight months, a lot of wine and countless tears for me to come to the following conclusion; that I likely carried with me all along.
APPRECIATION.
Human beings, for what ever reason, need to feel appreciated. It doesn't matter what adjective, noun or verb- attribute, title or function- that we choose to define ourselves; we need to feel appreciated for our role. Appreciation validates our importance- our purpose. When we're no longer appreciated, we're no longer able to experience happiness in being "good" at something, a part of something or in community.
Appreciation is the key to feeling a sense of connection.
Seeing the importance of appreciation within the human condition made me realize two very important things.
- Diversify what adjectives, nouns or verbs- attributes, titles or functions- that you use to define yourself.
- It 's critically important to appreciate one another for even the smallest things.
Diversify what adjectives, nouns or verbs- attributes, titles or functions- that you use to define yourself. If we only define ourselves with one purpose, for example a mother, then what happens if the appreciation for this single function is lost? If there aren't multiple roles defining purpose, then there is little ability to adapt to change as life shifts course in the way that it inevitably does.
It's critically important to appreciate one another for even the smallest things. Let's go back to the example role of a mother. You, as a mother, take care of baby or child all day. There is no thanks for this work. The baby doesn't look up after a feeding and say, "Thanks for waking up every hour with me to feed me mom, you were great!" If there is no validation, this mother will lose her sense of purpose even knowing how important she is in raising her child. This is where it's her husband or partner's role to provide this critical validation. This is also why it's so important for the mother to diversify her roles in order to incorporate aspects that provide her with external validation and praise.
As a partner, do you appreciate and validate your partner enough?
Are you diversifying the roles in your life enough in order to arm yourself with the necessary praise required to fill your ego and self-esteem?
I don't have the answers. There is no rule book. You have to map it out. Challenge yourself to be better. Challenge yourself to evolve. Challenge yourself to appreciate where you are in your journey. Forget about where you ShouldBe.
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