The outpouring of support for the first Should Be Society blog post was overwhelming for me and so very much appreciated. I knew that I'd be vulnerable starting a blog and opening myself up to potential criticism. The internet can be a scary place sometimes. People can be fearless in their attacks when armed with a computer screen in front of them as a solid defense. It reminds me of what I imagine colonization or expanding the western frontier might have been like. It’s intimidating going up against a firearm when equipped with merely a bow and arrow. Sometimes, you just have to trust and follow your intuition no matter how frightening the circumstances are. This process and my recent experiences have been both terrifying and liberating at the same time. Thankfully, my story was received with such love and support. I'm truly forever grateful for all of your kindness.
Now, let's do this...
The concept for my blog was inspired by a Stranger. I can recall a very vivid moment when he said, “All women think that they're special, but everyone has a story.” My original conception was that he was completely ignorant. I was offended and angry because I'd let myself believe my entire life that I was special in order to find a will to survive. Who was he to tell me that I wasn't special? There would've been no hope for me if I didn't allow myself to believe that all of my suffering would lead to a greater purpose.
As I let his words take action in my mind, I quickly realized how unknowingly brilliant his statement was. It’s all about perspective, isn't it? I took his words to be so insulting at face value, when in reality, they were eloquent and poetic. He was right. What I didn’t understand initially was that it wasn’t a put down or an assumption that women weren’t special; it was simply a statement indicating the lack of connectedness that women feel towards one another. His perspective truly captured the loneliness women might feel in general about their individual journeys. I started thinking that feeling "I'm special", at the root of it all, actually might mean "I feel alone" subconsciously.
We are not alone! We all can feel alone in our journeys. Why? I've definitely been criticized before for being overly deep and too open. Clearly, on some level that’s true...hello-did you read ShouldBe blog post #1? I wasn’t always so open though and, to be honest, I hid my abuse by keeping it a secret for nearly 10 years. My recent exploration of brutal honesty is something new.
Let’s reasonably assume that most people prefer to reserve how deep they get and are more selective with whom and how they share their stories. What is it about being vulnerable that we fear? What holds us back from being fearlessly open about how we feel? Why is being human not socially acceptable? If you aren’t afraid of being judged, is there really anything left to be afraid of? Are we ultimately hiding the truth from ourselves when we don’t allow ourselves to share our stories?
Here's the real twister! I spent last night with my girlfriends. I thought about my post for today as I listened to them. We talked about my first post. We talked about how no one knew much of what I had gone through. The post made so many intricacies of my personality so much clearer. I felt so understood and free. On my way home, I blasted Sam Hunt in my headphones as I walked alone through downtown Pittsburgh back to my car. I'm not one for country but I am excessively in love with his music for whatever reason right now. Feeling a sense of nostalgia, I put my arms out and let the cool breeze move through my hair. I felt at peace for the first time. Then, it hit me. What if it's this simple. Eliminate judgment! Maybe we should be less concerned about the stories and just let people freely be who they are. Love them where they are not for what they are. Why do we need justification for everything anyways?
You tell me...
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