There is no relationship that impacts an individual's life more than the relationship with the self. How you relate to yourself is one of the most important factors contributing to the outcomes in your life. How insecurity, the little inner demon, is managed will determine the state of reality. I say "manage" because I've often wondered if it's even possible to cleanse yourself of it completely. Thus far, I've been unsuccessful exorcising myself of it.
I've spent a lot of time this past year putting direct thought, effort and work into who I want to be as a woman. Following the launch of the blog, I thought that I had a great handle on my insecurities. I was confident that all of the demons that whispered negatively in the back of my mind were drowned out by the positivity behind the pride I felt in who I was becoming. Independent, I felt like Moses parting the Red Sea. My faith in myself and my spirituality couldn't falter.
Coupling does something to grow our insecurities. Relationships make us vulnerable. Vulnerability makes us fearful. Fear breeds insecurity. Love and insecurity are held at opposite ends of an unstable rope, one constantly trying to pull the other across the muddied water. When we become vulnerable and commit to love, do we choose to accept being dragged back and forth tirelessly through the mud between love and insecurity? A person with balanced insecurity, and that same person with rabid insecurities, are two completely different individuals existing within the same compound. It's frightening to think how fear can alter our ability to live and, more importantly, how it alters our ability to Love.
Fear. Fear seems to be a running theme throughout the ShouldBe's of our lives. How do we get past the ShouldBe? How do we triumph over our fears, our insecurities, and ultimately...ourselves? Presently, I'm feeling a sense of defeat. I don't have the answer. I'm certain that it's totally different for each one of us. I suppose, like everything else, it's an artful practice that must accumulate overtime in order to be mastered.
What do you do in the meantime? How do you explore love and relationships if you can never get past your fear and insecurities? How do you quiet the little demon?
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