I am no stranger to a selfie! I find a sense of amusement in the entire concept of social media. I'd say that for me personally, I find so much joy in observing all of the various behavioral patterns. I've even pushed the limits on my own content just to study what my personal audience does or doesn't engage in. I sometimes post ridiculous things, as if I were serious, simply for my own amusement. I'm sure that there's a level of boredom associated with this type of behavior, but either way the novelty rarely wears off for me. I find it all intriguing and completely confusing at the same time.
The creators of social media platforms are geniuses. I don't think anyone could really argue that. More than creating something revolutionary, I think social media is one of the greatest social behavioral experiments of all time.
What are we missing from our real lives that makes us so enthralled with connecting online? What does the internet do to our psyche?
For some people, I think it provides a level of validation. Online you can proclaim the achievements of all of your ShouldBe's in a strategic fashion. I know this may seem like a strong statement, but I only say it because I've totally done it. I think most of us have on some level.
Recently, I've begun to pause and evaluate my state of mind right before I make a post. I've found that when I'm taking a selfie I'm doing it for my own self-esteem. There's a level of insecurity occurring in my life when I feel the urge to selfie. I have this ideal in my mind of what a "pretty" version of myself looks like. If I find myself appearing as my "pretty" self, I capture it, for no one other than myself. It's total weird. At the same time, for someone like me who has struggled connecting my inner and outer being; I consider the whole process of taking a selfie to be a form of self love in a very odd demeanor. There has been a lot of talk in the media about selfies being an indication of narcissism. I don't particularly agree, and not because I've done it. I genuinely think that, a lot of times (not all the time), selfies frequently display signs of insecurity.
I've begun to explore how the Internet and social media affect relationships. The individual insecurity projected through selfies can also translate to relationships and relationship statuses. I've seen some of the worst relationships broadcasted as the greatest love stories across social media-my marriage included. I highlighted every moment from our adventures together, to moving in together, to buying a home, to our engagement, to getting married, the honey moon and finally getting a dog. I'm definitely not saying that all of those moments were terrible or that I wasn't satisfied. I am questioning why I felt the need to put them on display. All I wanted to do was hide the divorce though. Why? None of it was real, that's why. My parade of happy moments on social media completely masked my reality. Those posts weren't for my "friends". Those posts were an attempt to convince myself that I was happy when I wasn't. That's my truth. Please remember, that I am speaking from personal experience. I don't mean to generalize and lump every person into one category. Let's be honest though, for the most part, it's pretty true.
I've become increasingly afraid of the negative impact that infinite access to the opposite sex has on relationships, not to mention, the increased opportunity for infidelity that social media breeds.
You never truly know someone, ever. Someone told me once that finding your soulmate is pretty much like hitting the lottery. The rarity of it makes my heart heavy. The ability to connect online opens you up to a whole world full of people you would otherwise miss the opportunity for an introduction under more traditional interactions- like meeting at a bar. While this may seem like an opportunity, it's also very scaryas well. Technology gives us the ability to portray who we want others to think we are without actually being that person. It's an ingenious branding method but it can be fraudulent at the same time. I can say online that I'm a thoughtful person. I can say online that I'm honest. I can say online that I'm all sorts of things. There are infinite "things" that I can present myself as online. You literally can be anyone. BUT...You can't see me hold the door open for a stranger or give money to a homeless person online. You can't look deep into my eyes and soul when I'm speaking and know whether or not I'm being honest online. I feel the same way about texting. Whether it's online or texting, you have an altered sense of reality. You never truly know what's real.
I want to sit across the table from a man and notice how nervous he is talking to me. I want to see his pursed lipped smile when what I've said means something special to him. I want to see when he doesn't like something I've said. If you genuinely like me I want to know it. Conversely, if you genuinely aren't feeling a connection to me I also want to know it. I want realness. It baffles me how difficult it is for people to just be real. It's difficult for me to wrap my brain around the idea that people don't genuinely communicate how they feel. It seems effortless to me, and yet more often than not I bare witness to sugar coated technology driven communication that is all together perplexing. I think that this type of quasi-cowardly behavior, that a lot of us have participated in, devalues relationships and face-to-face communication. Simply, there is something very different and real that happens during communication in person that can never exist online or via text. Why avoid that realness?
I genuinely struggle believing anything anyone says online or via text anymore. It's not real to me. It's an altered reality for us to become something that fills some sort of void. I'm not being judgmental. I'm not being hypocritical either. I'm fully aware that I'm an active participant. I'd even say that this blog fills a void for me. I'm not even saying it's a bad thing. I'm just asking if you've ever paused before a post or before you've sent a text and asked yourself, "what is my intention?" I haven't until recently. I've posted and texted some crazy things, particularly, early on in my divorce.
We have to stop and ask ourselves:
What are we doing? What is it that the internet and the lack of personal interaction brings to us? What drives the confidence we feel in front of a computer screen or a cell phone that we aren't able to have in real life?
You tell me...